Your first time in church.

Dear Sophie,

Tonight is Christmas Eve - your first! We aren't regular church-goers - though sometimes I think about becoming more active in church.  I felt like tonight was a good night to try out the Lutheran church here in our little town. 

You were in awe of the big room and the big stained glass windows and candles and, of course..the ceiling fans.  Have I told you about your love for ceiling fans yet?  I will.  Soon.  In another post.

We sat near the back.  We weren't sure how you were going to be since it was past your bedtime and kind of a long day for you, but you were in great spirits.  Smiley, too.  You kept staring at and pretending to be shy with the lady sitting behind us.  I think you made her day. 

Anyway...at one point in the service the pastor had all the little kids come up to the front.  They were going to sit and talk about the scene in the manger the night Jesus was born. 

The pastor says, "Ok...so there were some animals there...can any of you make animal sounds?"

Right on cue, you let out the biggest, loudest, funniest squeal you had in you!

The pastor exclaimed, "OOH! There's one!" and of course you drew a whole room full of eyes and smiles.

If you've seen any videos of yourself around this age, by now you probably know how loud and cute you can be. 

For now though, you are tucked in to bed in your red & white striped Christmas jammies with the reindeer feeties and reindeer butt with visions of sugar plums dancing in your head.  Mama and daddy can't wait for tomorrow to spend our first Christmas morning with you and in our new house.

Love you, little bear.
Mama

8 Months!

Dear Sophie,

Today you are 8 months old and, as usual, things are happening so fast.  I'm sorry I missed 7 months.  If I blink my eyes again it will be your 16th birthday.

You are so wiggly!  I can't imagine how this is going to go as you get stronger or learn to crawl and walk.  Mama and Daddy are going to be in trouble!  You are sitting up by yourself all the time once we sit you down, and you'll stay that way and play for a very long time now.  You can't get yourself to that position on your own just yet, but it's definitely coming.  You are also starting to pull yourself up to stand on us or anything you can grab, so I went ahead and lowered your crib mattress to the lowest setting this month.  We don't need you taking any nose-dives out of the crib yet.  Or ever.

You have learned how much fun it is to clap your hands and you do it for just about everything you like.  Sometimes all we have to do is say "yay!" and you will start clapping.  It's too dang cute.  Your high chair is a fun place to clap too since you think food is pretty fun.  You pretty much ONLY want to feed yourself now and get pretty pissed off if we try to feed you.  I've discovered that the only way to make this work is to give you your own spoon and sneak bites in with the spoon I'm holding.  We are trying to figure out what kinds of finger foods you like best and can handle best, but chances are if you couldn't figure them out today, we could try them again tomorrow and you'll be a pro.

We are still breastfeeding.  I think my goal was originally 6 months.  Then, before you were born, daddy and I went to a breastfeeding class and I was gung-ho to make it to a year.  Then we had some problems early on (never-ending thrush, latch problems, clogged ducts, etc) and I decided my goal would be 9 months.  Then things started going MUCH better so I was all about the year again.

And then you got teeth.

Now...with a proper latch, they can't really even be felt.  But when you decide my boob is your favorite funny chew toy that is another issue altogether.  You think it is just SOMUCHFUN to chomp down, then pull off really fast and smile up at me.  While it's painful and you definitely shouldn't be doing it, it's still almost impossible not to want to laugh or smile at you when you're grinning up at me.

It didn't stay quite that cute though.  I actually decided that it was never going to stop and we would transition you to formula.  We tried a few different kinds, but you hated them all no matter who gave them to you or what bottle they came from.  So while most people give up on breastfeeding, mama had to be different and give up on formula.  That stuff is expensive - there was no way we could afford to try every kind there was and take the chance of them not working out.   I don't have that kind of patience anyway.  We'll just work on the biting thing or I will suck it up.

This month brought your first ear infection.  You think your bubble gum flavored antibiotics are delicious.  I am so paranoid about missing an ear infection with you because when your teeth are bothering you, you swat at your ears a lot.  This time you seemed extra miserable and screamy.  I hate that you weren't feeling good but man did I love how snuggly you were.

You're saying "mama" and "baba" and "dada" and a few other random syllables here and there, but it's pretty easy to see you don't associate them with us yet.  They are just really fun to say!

You've started putting your hands on your hips when you don't like something.  Is it even possible for this to start so early?  Is it some kind of built-in instinct women have from birth?  Oh well...either way, it's darn cute.

Til next month, Little Bear.
Love,
Mama

We voted.

IMG_6022
Originally uploaded by jessiemo

6 months!

(Whoops!  I wrote this months ago, but forgot to hit "publish")

Dear Sophie,

Happy half-birthday!  You continue to amaze and amuse us every day.  It's been a pretty exciting month!

You started playing peek-a-boo with us!  It's hard to stop once we start, too...just because it's so darn cute.  Your favorite place to play this is on the changing table.  We keep a clean cloth diaper there just for this purpose.  You grab it, cover your face, and then yank it down really fast and smile.  We act surprised and yell "Peek-a-boo!" and you think this is the most hilarious thing ever. 

We borrowed a jumperoo from a friend of mine and you think that is pretty great too.  I love watching your little feet kick like a ballerina when you get going.  You started tripod sitting too - so now it's only a matter of time before you master this without falling over and discover all kinds of freedom and independence.  Don't be in too much of a hurry, ok sweet girl? 

You've re-discovered your hands and the cool stuff they can do again. You think its really fun to lay down and wave them back and forth and laugh at them and move them in weird ways.  Your feet and giraffe continue to be your favorite things to play with and eat...with your new teeth!  Yep...you have your two bottom front teeth now.  Remind me to tell you someday how fun the couple days leading up to those suckers popping out was.  Actually...I think I'll wait and let you be surprised with your own kid's teeth before we have this conversation.  Let's just say I'm not looking forward to the rest. 

Last, but definitely not least - your great-grandpa Les & great-grandma Marge came to meet you.  I think you are just as much in love with them as they are with you.  It was so fun to watch you all interact together and for all of us to spend time together. While they were here, we went the fish fry (your first!) at Lakefront Brewery and you got to see a live polka band for the first time.  You LOVED watching everyone dance and were kicking your feet non-stop along with the music. 

Til next month, Little Bear.
Love, Mama

5 Months!

Dear Sophie,

Today you are 5 months old! I can't believe it. I know I say that or something similar every month. Actually all of my posts might be broken recordish, but that's ok I'm your mom and can tell you how awesome you are and how much I love you all I want! Someday when you're a teenager you'll probably hate it, and then you'll get a little older and love it again.

You continue to grow and change and learn new things before our very eyes. You are still shrieking and squealing and cooing the vowel sounds, but you've added consonant sounds to your repertoire. Your favorites now are M, B, and V sounds. You love to blow raspberries with your mouth, but you don't do it the typical tongue-out way. Instead you suck in your bottom lip and try to blow and it's pretty much the cutest and funniest face ever.

You're finally showing some interest in sitting! I was kind of wondering if you ever would because you love to and want to stand so much but now you're doing the whole tripod thing and doing it pretty well! You still try to stand sometimes when I'm not holding on to you and I have to be quick in order to save you from arching your back and throwing yourself over. Right after I took this picture you did it and bonked your head on the crib. It startled you, but I don't think it hurt. You just looked at me as if to say "Whoa, mama!?!"

We borrowed an exersaucer from my friend Keara and you LOVE it. It's a little too tall for your little legs so we have a couch pillow under your feet. You love the things that make noise and play music the most, but you also love the things you can make reach your mouth. You are a drooling machine, and you've been showing signs of teething for a good month and a half or so now, yet nothing seems to be coming through. Early on we thought it was an ear infection with how much you yank and tug at your ears, but your doctor said that your ears are clear and that referred pain to the ear is common with teething. Since then we are paranoid that you are in pain every time you touch your ears. Sometimes I think it's just because you know they are there, but your daddy starts to worry and wants to give you tylenol just about the second you touch them. Sometimes I let him because I know he doesn't want to see you in pain, and other times I tell him I gave you some already because I feel weird giving it to you very often without *knowing* that you are springing some teeth through, ya know? 

I got you an amber teething necklace. Apparently they help with pain and inflammation and are all the rage in Europe but I'd never really heard of them until recently. I'm not sure how much I believe in it, but I believe it enough to give it a try. Plus its super cute on, even if it doesn't work. It's not a necklace you chew on - it's just supposed to be absorbed through your skin.

At the beginning of September we started you on some solid foods and you are a natural!  You didn't push any out with your tongue and you seemed to really enjoy it.  You even grab the spoon and try to do it yourself already.  We started with rice cereal since it's cheap and easy, but since then you've tried bananas, avocados, sweet potatoes, pears, and plums.  You seemed to think I couldn't give you the plums fast enough so so far I think those or sweet potatoes are your favorite. I'll write more about this in another post because there are some funny and cute pictures to go with it.

Another huge change has happened lately too - you have moved into your own room and sleep in your crib now. I can't quite explain it, but you seemed to be telling me that you were ready to stop sleeping with us. So we got your room painted and decorated and moved you in last Saturday. I will write more about that transition in another post, too, but for now I have to say that looks beautiful in there and I find it very relaxing. You seem to like it too. I miss you to pieces at night, but I know that this was the right thing and the way we've done things all along were also the right thing. You babies don't come with instruction manuals, ya know.

Lastly, and this probably won't excite you as much as it excites me, but The Battle of the Epic Eye Boogies has come to a close. We've been dealing with an intense eye-boogie problem with you since birth because both of your tear ducts were too tiny and clogged to work right so the liquid from your eyes had no where to go. I had to massage and wash each one twice a day. You weren't a big fan, and I was even less of one because 75% of the time the massage pissed you off and made you cry (I hate to make you cry - it makes my heart physically hurt like it's being squeezed and wadded up in a tiny ball). You woke up one morning a few weeks ago and your right eye was clear. It took a few days for me to believe they weren't coming back and gave me new determination to clear up the left. As of 3 days ago, the left is clear too. Yay!

Well sweet bear, I think I've gushed about you to you enough for one evening.  I can't wait to see what the next month brings.

Love, Mama.

4 Months!

Dear Sophie,

Today you are 4 months old. Sigh. You are growing so fast.

You want to stand ALL THE TIME...except you can do it by yourself and your legs aren't quite ready to support your weight that long either...so we hold you like that - a lot. You are constantly testing your voice, and more noticeably the volume of your voice. Shrieking and squealing are like your own personal art form right now and you love to see how loud you can do it, change the way you're holding your mouth, and do it again...and again...and again. Your favorite time for this is at about 6:30 am while laying in the bed between a sleeping mama and daddy. We don't mind though because it is so ridiculously cute and you are so proud of yourself when you do it.

About a week ago you rolled over from back to front for the first time! Of course you were naked while you did it but after a few days you figured out you could do it with clothes on too. Now you do it almost as soon as we lay you down.

 Tomorrow you get to meet your auntie Alexis and auntie Bailey for the first time. I'm so excited for you all to meet each other. Bailey especially. She's been asking for Corey and I to make her an aunt for years.


Happy 4 month Birthday, little bear!

Love, mama

Your first Brewers game

Dear Sophie,

Tonight we took you to your first Brewers game!

You did great! I, on the other hand...

It was 80 something degrees with some ridiculous percentage of humidity. I couldn't stand it and was sitting in a pool of my own sweat. And since I was so hot, you were getting hot, and I didn't like that you was so hot and sweating too. I also will probably feel guilty forever at how loud it was in there. I kept covering your ears. You don't notice just how loud stuff is until you have a baby I think.

You didn't make a peep - just loved looking around at people. Eventually, you just fell asleep.

We did end up leaving early though. Besides how awful it felt in there, the game sucked and was moving SO slow. TWO hours in it was only the top of the 4th. Screw that.

It was a learning experience for all of us, and we'll definitely do it again soon.


Random fun fact for you...Growing up in Portland, Oregon, we didn't have a baseball team.  Most people rooted for the Seattle Mariners, but I was a Brewers fan, as was your Grandpa Tim's entire side of the family.  Tom Trebelhorn was the manager of the Brewers at the time, and he is your Grandpa Tim's 2nd cousin, so a lot of us on that side of the family would head up to Seattle anytime they played there.




There will be many more games.

Love, Mama

Mama

On co-sleeping.

Yeah, we do it.

Technically those are two different things I guess, but ask someone the definition of co-sleeping and more than likely they are going to give you the definition of "sleep-sharing".  From what I understand the co-sleeping is now sleeping in the same room and sleep sharing is the same bed. It just sounds like weird hippie stuff...although it seems I've somehow jumped on the weird hippie train anyway...so whatever. 

There seems to be such a stigma about it. I'm guilty, too. Before you were an outside baby, I thought it was weird and something I would never do.  Now I can't imagine not doing it.  You sleep better.  I sleep better.  Daddy...well...I'm not sure if he does or not...or what he thinks about it.  I should probably ask him sometime. I'd guess that as long as you and I are sleeping better, he is sleeping better too.  He just doesn't get to hog the bed anymore - you do.

America is apparently the only place this isn't really a common practice (although when I talk to some of my friends with kids I think it's more common than anyone admits). 

I can't help but roll my eyes when people give me an OMG YOU'RE GOING TO CRUSH YOUR BABY look or response.

I can't help but lie to your pediatrician a little because I am afraid that she's going to disapprove.

I can't help but get a little annoyed when people think we're spoiling you already or making a huge mistake.

I can't help but be a little hurt when someone seems to imply that letting you sleep with us hinders your independence. 

There seems to be plenty of research and personal experience out there that says otherwise - that it actually promotes independence.  I can see the case for both.   It's very clearly not for everyone, and I don't by any means think that everyone should do it.  I just wish I could be honest on this subject all the time without feeling like my response is going to be judged as wrong 99% of the time or people making assumptions about how my kid is going to turn out.

Why mommy isn't at the bar.

If I hear "What, you don't trust my mom?" one more time, I might scream. 

(No, Corey didn't say this...but both of his brothers managed to today.  I realize they didn't mean anything by it, but it's an awkward question for many reasons.  One, because my mother-in-law, who I love dearly, was sitting right there.  Two, because I'm just not ready to leave her very long with anyone but Corey and I don't like feeling like I need to explain that to people - it has nothing to do with anyone but me)

We are at my in-laws house visiting for the weekend.  After some BBQ and Mike's Hard Lemonade, the guys were inspired to go to the bar.  This was the second time today I was asked the question that bothers me so much.

I didn't want to go out to the bar because:

1. I don't want to smell like smoke.  
2. I don't want to have to take a shower as soon as I get home because I smell like smoke.
3. I don't want Sophie to be breathing that in or to smell like it because I held her.  That's just gross and unhealthy for her.
4. Drinking isn't all that appealing to me anymore.
5. If I drink more than one or two, then I'm not comfortable with it passing through my breast milk to her.
6. I love breastfeeding, so I have no desire to do anything that causes me to have to feed her from a bottle if I don't have to.
7. If I drink, then it's not safe for her to sleep in the bed curled up with me, and I love that more than I love a 30 minute buzz.  I love it more than anything.  Especially now that she likes to lay down with me and play with my face.
8. There is plenty of time for things like this later. I became a mom - I didn't keel over and die.  And I realize the day will come that I want to get away for a little bit - but I'm not in a rush for it.

End of self-righteous new mom rant.

First dinner out.

Dear Sophie,

Tonight we took you to your first sit down dinner.  Granted, it was only a pizza place - but a good one!  You were SO good.  You were so tired, but all you wanted to do was hang out in the moby wrap and look around at the people.  You were particularly fascinated by the bar.  You didn't make a sound the entire time we were there and we were so proud of you.

We are staying the night at your grandma Linda and grandpa Andre's tonight  This is the second time we've done this (the first time you slept 20 out of 24 hours we were here - much to the dismay of your grandma).  After we nursed (aka "had the sleepy noms") we curled up facing each other in the bed.  You are getting so good with your hands and wanted to just explore my face with them...so that's exactly what you did.. As you drifted off to sleep, you did so with one hand on my nose, and one on my cheek.  It pretty much melted my heart.

Sweet dreams little bear.

3 months.

Dear Sophie,

Today you are 3 months old.  Tomorrow you will be 16 and asking me for the car keys.  I'm home with you all day every day and still I feel like if I blink I am missing something or a moment will go by that I won't remember.

As I write this, you are sitting next to me in your bouncy seat (aka the magical poop chair - story for another time) alternating between chewing on your hands and drooling on your pooh blankey.  You pull them as far away from your face as you can to examine them, then your eyes light up and you get this look like you've never seen anything so delicious in your entire life and plow them into your mouth.  Obviously it is adorable.

Now you are starting to nod off and it is pretty rare that you fall asleep without your daddy or I holding you.  In some ways it's a relief, and yet I miss the opportunity to snuggle with you while I still can.  Especially on a gloomy rainy day like today.

You've been smiling since you were 1 month old, but 2 days ago you laughed for the first time.  It lit up the room.  Until now, you've been really trying hard to laugh (and discover your loud voice) by giving us a lot of squeals and other new sounds, but the other day was the first time you put it all together.  Apparently my dancing and singing along to California Gurls by Katie Perry with you laying in my lap is what did you in.  I'm sure it was quite a sight!  At the time, your daddy was running on the treadmill and that little laugh almost stopped him in his tracks.  Some of your favorite songs right now (although some are slightly inappropriate - but the beat is good!) are Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti, California Gurls by Katie Perry, OMG by Usher, and the Cupid Shuffle by...well...I don't know who.

Another one of your favorite things is for us to hold your hands while you're laying down and say "Up up up!" while gently helping up pull up to a sitting position.  Except this isn't always enough for you...you want to stand!  When we get to the top of your sitting position, you manage to pop your little legs up and stand like it was the plan all along.  Screw that rolling over and crawling stuff!  One day you're going to just stand up and run across the room.  We're going to need to get that baby gate for the top of the stairs to the basement sooner rather than later.  Now that you know you can sit up with our help, you're trying to sit up on your own at every opportunity - your bouncy...your rocker...your car seat.   You are determined. In the mean time, you're working very hard towards some abs of steel.



There is so much more I could tell you about yourself right now, but I will save them for other rainy days.

I love you, little bear.

Mommy

Life as your mama.

Dear Sophie (and any future children we might have),

I've been putting this off for a long time because...well...I have no excuse other than Your Mom Is A Huge Procrastinator.  Since before you were born I've had this sort of internal dialogue full of things I want to remember from this time and would love for you to be able to see sometime in your adult life.  I would have loved to have had something like this so maybe you'll appreciate in someday too.

I haven't quite decided how I want this to go, but I know that I need to start writing.  Sometimes I might write directly to you...other times maybe just about you.  I can't decide who I'm going to share this with as I go.  If I share it with everyone (like I tend to do with all things), I might not be as comfortable saying all I want to say...but at the same time keeping it private would kind of go against what has always been "me".  I've always prided myself a little on my openness and ability to speak frankly...sometimes (or often) to my own detriment. 

You will be 3 months old tomorrow and I already feel like it's going so much faster than it should be. Every day there is a new sound or expression or skill you start picking up.  There are so many little things that I don't want to forget and sometimes I feel like they are already falling away from me.  I will write those things that I remember, and try to be good about the stuff that comes up. 

Nothing could have ever prepared us for the love and happiness you have brought to our lives.  It's like you've always been here.  We love you so much and I can't wait to write about our lives together.

Love,
Your mama

(here is where some people from our generation will insert some "yo momma" jokes - you'll get it someday)