Your first Brewers game

Dear Sophie,

Tonight we took you to your first Brewers game!

You did great! I, on the other hand...

It was 80 something degrees with some ridiculous percentage of humidity. I couldn't stand it and was sitting in a pool of my own sweat. And since I was so hot, you were getting hot, and I didn't like that you was so hot and sweating too. I also will probably feel guilty forever at how loud it was in there. I kept covering your ears. You don't notice just how loud stuff is until you have a baby I think.

You didn't make a peep - just loved looking around at people. Eventually, you just fell asleep.

We did end up leaving early though. Besides how awful it felt in there, the game sucked and was moving SO slow. TWO hours in it was only the top of the 4th. Screw that.

It was a learning experience for all of us, and we'll definitely do it again soon.


Random fun fact for you...Growing up in Portland, Oregon, we didn't have a baseball team.  Most people rooted for the Seattle Mariners, but I was a Brewers fan, as was your Grandpa Tim's entire side of the family.  Tom Trebelhorn was the manager of the Brewers at the time, and he is your Grandpa Tim's 2nd cousin, so a lot of us on that side of the family would head up to Seattle anytime they played there.




There will be many more games.

Love, Mama

Mama

On co-sleeping.

Yeah, we do it.

Technically those are two different things I guess, but ask someone the definition of co-sleeping and more than likely they are going to give you the definition of "sleep-sharing".  From what I understand the co-sleeping is now sleeping in the same room and sleep sharing is the same bed. It just sounds like weird hippie stuff...although it seems I've somehow jumped on the weird hippie train anyway...so whatever. 

There seems to be such a stigma about it. I'm guilty, too. Before you were an outside baby, I thought it was weird and something I would never do.  Now I can't imagine not doing it.  You sleep better.  I sleep better.  Daddy...well...I'm not sure if he does or not...or what he thinks about it.  I should probably ask him sometime. I'd guess that as long as you and I are sleeping better, he is sleeping better too.  He just doesn't get to hog the bed anymore - you do.

America is apparently the only place this isn't really a common practice (although when I talk to some of my friends with kids I think it's more common than anyone admits). 

I can't help but roll my eyes when people give me an OMG YOU'RE GOING TO CRUSH YOUR BABY look or response.

I can't help but lie to your pediatrician a little because I am afraid that she's going to disapprove.

I can't help but get a little annoyed when people think we're spoiling you already or making a huge mistake.

I can't help but be a little hurt when someone seems to imply that letting you sleep with us hinders your independence. 

There seems to be plenty of research and personal experience out there that says otherwise - that it actually promotes independence.  I can see the case for both.   It's very clearly not for everyone, and I don't by any means think that everyone should do it.  I just wish I could be honest on this subject all the time without feeling like my response is going to be judged as wrong 99% of the time or people making assumptions about how my kid is going to turn out.

Why mommy isn't at the bar.

If I hear "What, you don't trust my mom?" one more time, I might scream. 

(No, Corey didn't say this...but both of his brothers managed to today.  I realize they didn't mean anything by it, but it's an awkward question for many reasons.  One, because my mother-in-law, who I love dearly, was sitting right there.  Two, because I'm just not ready to leave her very long with anyone but Corey and I don't like feeling like I need to explain that to people - it has nothing to do with anyone but me)

We are at my in-laws house visiting for the weekend.  After some BBQ and Mike's Hard Lemonade, the guys were inspired to go to the bar.  This was the second time today I was asked the question that bothers me so much.

I didn't want to go out to the bar because:

1. I don't want to smell like smoke.  
2. I don't want to have to take a shower as soon as I get home because I smell like smoke.
3. I don't want Sophie to be breathing that in or to smell like it because I held her.  That's just gross and unhealthy for her.
4. Drinking isn't all that appealing to me anymore.
5. If I drink more than one or two, then I'm not comfortable with it passing through my breast milk to her.
6. I love breastfeeding, so I have no desire to do anything that causes me to have to feed her from a bottle if I don't have to.
7. If I drink, then it's not safe for her to sleep in the bed curled up with me, and I love that more than I love a 30 minute buzz.  I love it more than anything.  Especially now that she likes to lay down with me and play with my face.
8. There is plenty of time for things like this later. I became a mom - I didn't keel over and die.  And I realize the day will come that I want to get away for a little bit - but I'm not in a rush for it.

End of self-righteous new mom rant.

First dinner out.

Dear Sophie,

Tonight we took you to your first sit down dinner.  Granted, it was only a pizza place - but a good one!  You were SO good.  You were so tired, but all you wanted to do was hang out in the moby wrap and look around at the people.  You were particularly fascinated by the bar.  You didn't make a sound the entire time we were there and we were so proud of you.

We are staying the night at your grandma Linda and grandpa Andre's tonight  This is the second time we've done this (the first time you slept 20 out of 24 hours we were here - much to the dismay of your grandma).  After we nursed (aka "had the sleepy noms") we curled up facing each other in the bed.  You are getting so good with your hands and wanted to just explore my face with them...so that's exactly what you did.. As you drifted off to sleep, you did so with one hand on my nose, and one on my cheek.  It pretty much melted my heart.

Sweet dreams little bear.

3 months.

Dear Sophie,

Today you are 3 months old.  Tomorrow you will be 16 and asking me for the car keys.  I'm home with you all day every day and still I feel like if I blink I am missing something or a moment will go by that I won't remember.

As I write this, you are sitting next to me in your bouncy seat (aka the magical poop chair - story for another time) alternating between chewing on your hands and drooling on your pooh blankey.  You pull them as far away from your face as you can to examine them, then your eyes light up and you get this look like you've never seen anything so delicious in your entire life and plow them into your mouth.  Obviously it is adorable.

Now you are starting to nod off and it is pretty rare that you fall asleep without your daddy or I holding you.  In some ways it's a relief, and yet I miss the opportunity to snuggle with you while I still can.  Especially on a gloomy rainy day like today.

You've been smiling since you were 1 month old, but 2 days ago you laughed for the first time.  It lit up the room.  Until now, you've been really trying hard to laugh (and discover your loud voice) by giving us a lot of squeals and other new sounds, but the other day was the first time you put it all together.  Apparently my dancing and singing along to California Gurls by Katie Perry with you laying in my lap is what did you in.  I'm sure it was quite a sight!  At the time, your daddy was running on the treadmill and that little laugh almost stopped him in his tracks.  Some of your favorite songs right now (although some are slightly inappropriate - but the beat is good!) are Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti, California Gurls by Katie Perry, OMG by Usher, and the Cupid Shuffle by...well...I don't know who.

Another one of your favorite things is for us to hold your hands while you're laying down and say "Up up up!" while gently helping up pull up to a sitting position.  Except this isn't always enough for you...you want to stand!  When we get to the top of your sitting position, you manage to pop your little legs up and stand like it was the plan all along.  Screw that rolling over and crawling stuff!  One day you're going to just stand up and run across the room.  We're going to need to get that baby gate for the top of the stairs to the basement sooner rather than later.  Now that you know you can sit up with our help, you're trying to sit up on your own at every opportunity - your bouncy...your rocker...your car seat.   You are determined. In the mean time, you're working very hard towards some abs of steel.



There is so much more I could tell you about yourself right now, but I will save them for other rainy days.

I love you, little bear.

Mommy

Life as your mama.

Dear Sophie (and any future children we might have),

I've been putting this off for a long time because...well...I have no excuse other than Your Mom Is A Huge Procrastinator.  Since before you were born I've had this sort of internal dialogue full of things I want to remember from this time and would love for you to be able to see sometime in your adult life.  I would have loved to have had something like this so maybe you'll appreciate in someday too.

I haven't quite decided how I want this to go, but I know that I need to start writing.  Sometimes I might write directly to you...other times maybe just about you.  I can't decide who I'm going to share this with as I go.  If I share it with everyone (like I tend to do with all things), I might not be as comfortable saying all I want to say...but at the same time keeping it private would kind of go against what has always been "me".  I've always prided myself a little on my openness and ability to speak frankly...sometimes (or often) to my own detriment. 

You will be 3 months old tomorrow and I already feel like it's going so much faster than it should be. Every day there is a new sound or expression or skill you start picking up.  There are so many little things that I don't want to forget and sometimes I feel like they are already falling away from me.  I will write those things that I remember, and try to be good about the stuff that comes up. 

Nothing could have ever prepared us for the love and happiness you have brought to our lives.  It's like you've always been here.  We love you so much and I can't wait to write about our lives together.

Love,
Your mama

(here is where some people from our generation will insert some "yo momma" jokes - you'll get it someday)